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The Hofie is dead, long live Lord Lucan!!

www.thelordlucan.blogspot.com

Thank You and Good Night

It is with great sadness that I have to announce that the sun has set of Charlton Hofie. I have been awaiting for some news for a while now on which this blog depended, the news has now come. The news is great for me personally, and those of you who know me will find out what it is, if you don't know already, shortly. However, it does mean I will unable to continue blogging. I have really enjoyed writing my pieces and I hope you have enjoyed reading them. My thanks must go to Barry's Beef for his inspiration and support, thanks also to Recess Monkey and 2 Darts for their support. Thanks to Anonymoron for his comments whenever the word Rehman Chishti is mentioned. Biggest thanks though must go to you, the readers. I will keep the site open for you to leave comments for a bit and I might still do the odd post from time to time. But for now it's been great fun blogging, I love you all and Good Night.

Charlton Hofie

Campbell's Future?

After disappointing results last night, is this the Lib Dem leader's future?

Unfortunate Quote

"And on a very bad day called Black Wednesday". Party Political Broadcast featuring Dave the Chameleon by the Labour Party broadcast 26 March 2006, now being called Labour's Black Wednesday.

Separated at Birth? Part 3

Yes, it's time for another lookalike. On the left future England manager Luiz Felipe Scolari and on the right (though not politically) is everyone's favorite feline and occasional MP George Galloway. Septarted at birth? I think we should be told.

2 Alka Seltzer and A Bacon Sandwich

The morning after the night before. I'm afraid I'm a little rough round the edges this morning due to a slight excess of drinking last night. However, I think Tony Blair might be feeling worse. I imagine he must have hit the bottle very hard last night after what must of been one of his worse days ever. Anyway, I digress. Let's get back to me and my lack of wellbeing. Matters were made worse by the fact I had defribrillator training this morning. For those who lack medical knowledge, the defribrillator is the machine in Casualty which they get out and electrocute people with. In Casualty the patient normally dies within moments of the gadget being got out, but apparently it does save lives. However, when you do feel like I do this morning rolling around on the floor and playing with dummies is not the most appealing thing in the world. Respect then must go to MP Richard Taylor. Taylor is the MP for Wyre Forest as an independent and a former doctor who was attending the training with me this morning. He wanted to be there less than me. Upon walking into the room he said, "I really don't want to be here very long, any chance we can hurry the course up?". The trainer dutifully replied to Taylor's request and the 2 hour course was cut down to 45mins. So many thanks to Dr. Taylor (who incidentally has the most peculiar laugh) I owe you a drink, though not today as I'm struggling a bit.

You Twit Hewitt

Last month I reported about a strange little article that Jeremy Clarkson wrote about Patricia Hewitt being "completely ridiculous". After her dismal performance at to the Royal College of Nursing in Bournemouth I am now starting to understand what he was on about. On a second point, does Hewitt have a 'conference addressing outfit'? On the left is her in Bournemouth today, on the right is her addressing the BMA in June last year. Recycling Outfits? Not very New Labour now Pat.

Worst Campaign Ever?

So what do you when your latest political campaign backfires and fails? Most parties would scrap it, the Tories dumped the 'Are you thinking what were thinking' when it was seen to be a bit rubbish. Labour on the other hand keep going and make it bigger. Dave the Chameleon was Labour's big campaign idea. However, it hasn't worked. It is a negative campaign and people don't like that. Furthermore, people thing Dave the Chameleon is rather cute and would quite like to focus on him. Finally, it emphasises the point the Tories are trying to stress anyway, that message being "We've changed". Labour activists think it is rubbish, they feel that Labour has lots to say and pratting about with a cartoon chameleon is just a waste of time and money. Labour though are doing a second installment in a party election broadcast tonight, although you can watch it now by clicking here. After that why not watch Dave's live webcam, which is just awful. Click here to watch it. Can Labour sink even lower? I'm sure they can.

Clarke in Sh*t, Prescott in Secretary

Prezza must be the luckiest bloke in the world. Prescott as we know is Deputy Prime Minister and most people think that he's a bit of a moron. Then The Mirror reveals that he has been having a two year affair with his secretary. He must of thought "bugger" (in fact he's been thinking that for the past two years, but now it has taken on a different meaning). But wait there is light at the end of the tunnel thanks to his mate, loyal Blairite and Home Secretary Charles Clarke. Clarke has managed to make a bigger balls up of things than Prezza. By releasing foreign criminals into general society instead of deporting them, Clarke is up Sh*t Creek without a paddle big time. What makes this scandal really good as far as the hacks are concerned is that it combines two topics which can really cause a frenzy; law and order and immigration. Clarke is a bit of a bruiser and won't go easily after all he's made enough cock ups before but is still in the job. Has he gone too far now? I think so, though time will tell. Prezza meanwhile but be breathing a massive sigh of relief and counting his lucky stars. The only other question that remains is what the hell is wrong with 2 Jag's secretary's head to make her decide to sleep with him?

NB Love this article on the Guardian's Newsblog. Dear Dierdre meets Alastair Campbell.

To Boldly Spend

Once again party donations/loans are being well spent by the Labour Party. In fact all the parties are spending the generously donated money wisely. Charlie Kennedy drummed up £101 on a bar bill over two nights, they claim it was on an unlimited supply of diet coke, it was accidental that the Jack Daniels just fell into the glass as well. The Tories hired actors to dress up as groundhogs at a cost of £3500 (hope they were good at that price). Labour spent £299 on five star trek costumes to annoy John Redwood. Clearly they didn't try Alen Products. This wonderful Merseyside based company could have sold them this wonderful Star Trek costume. At £35 each, the money wasters at Blair HQ could have got five for £175. That's less than a haircut for Cherie, bargain.

Get Rid of Your Gremlins

Apologies for the lack of postings yesterday, the gremlins got into the computer. However, it is all fixed now and I will be posting later today; so watch this space.

Hair Today...Gone Very Shortly

No wonder Labour needed all those loans. Cherie claimed £7,700 over the election campaign for her hairdresser, that is £250 a day. This just defies belief. Sandra Howard until two months before the campaign was driving around in a 16 year-old slightly battered Fiat Panda, and the only thing that stopped her from carrying on were some vandals trashing it. What really stinks though is the attitude of the Labour Party HQ when quizzed on the matter their reaction was, "So what? Mrs Blair worked fantastically hard during the election and visited more than 50 constituencies during the campaign. She is enormously popular with the party and, don't forget, we won the election". Now I never have, would or will give money to Labour, but if I had I would want a bit more constructive answer to how my donation had gone on Cherie's barnet looking good than "so what?". And as far as I'm aware, she is not enormously popular with the party, I think they'll find the general perception of her (and this includes the within the Labour party) is that she is a silly cow. Now spending £7,700 to have a paper bag surgically attached over her head, that's worth the money.

Lizzy at 80

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II is 80 today. The Hofie wishes her many happy returns of the day.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

Football's Going Labour

I've just found this photo. Is it me or is it of Tony Blair and Ruth Kelly? Answers in the comments section please.

Cheap Booze in Westminster

OK, booze is cheap anyhow in the Houses of Parliament. However, the infamous/notorious Sports and Social Club is really going over the top at the moment. Having just returned there from lunch, I can report all sorts of going ons. As we know St. George's Day isn't till Sunday but the S&S has ignored that matter. The bunting is up all round the bar, flags are up and it all looks very patriotic. Even better though is that Bombardier, Carling and John Smiths all have had 50p knocked off the price, with John Smith's being the cheapest at a mere £1.40 a pint. If beer doesn't float your boat then a double Gordon's and tonic is only £1.80, failing that you can have a Pimms for £1.80. Even more, if you have a Bombardier you go into a draw to win a keg of the stuff. The offer runs till Monday so expect vast numbers of drunken staffers tomorrow night. Cheers!

Italian Elections MkII

Bored? Been kicked out the Chamber? Nothing to do? Well you could go on the internet (clearly you have or you wouldn't be reading this). Maybe you could sign the much publicised People's Petition in favour of animal testing, which although a very worthy cause has it's limited uses. However, much better is this....elect the new boss of the Sicilian Mafia. Following the arrest of Bernado Provenzano hours after Prodi was made PM the notorious Sicilian Mafia are bossless. However, a genius (if not crazy) Italian has decided the Mafia had a bit of democracy given to them. So take your pick 63 year-old Salvatore Lo Piccolo or 44 year-old Matteo Messina Denaro. It's an offer you can't refuse.

Norway - The Place for Party Leaders

Labour says about Dave Cameron"this way, that way", Dave says "Norway". Yes Dave is off to Norway to see climate change in action. If only Charlie Kennedy was still Lib Dumb leader, he could have gone as well. He'd love Norway. The 2,650km of coastine, the fjords, the skiing and in Oslo he could have gone to the newly opened mini bottle gallery, which boasts the largest collection of miniature bottles in the world, oh how he would have enjoyed it. To visit the mini bottle gallery website, click here. It's great, however, only the homepage is in English so you need to be able to read Norwegian to get the best out of it.

£ + Electoral Commission = Waste

A formula has been devised by psychologists as to why people vote. It goes as follows: Apart from being a load of rubbish, there is the scary fact that you paid for this to be compiled. Rather than the formula being made by some seriously bored psychologist with nothing better to do, the Electoral Commission got psychologist and motivation expert Cliff Arnall to devise the formula. The Electoral Commission got in done in their "attempts to encourage people to vote in the 4 May local elections". The Electoral Commission last year spent £24.8m of your money. How nice to know it is being spent on crap equations like this.